Wednesday, February 11, 2015

I've got your back Autism. Dealing with Bully's

Do you guys remember that incident I wrote about where little kids were screaming out that they hate Doodle and they kept screaming it. Well, they live around the corner and our afternoon walks are becoming unbearable. It's a small "safe" neighborhood. Yeah safe is in quotes because it's a residential neighborhood where cars obey the speed laws. And I've never experienced bullying while walking before. Until this week. Twice this week this little boy has screamed out that Doodle is a freak. She has no outward physical appearance that would say she is different. He only notices she's different because of the class she's in. Yes, he goes to the same school as Doodle. I knew this day would come and I am very much aware that I am Doodle's role model and I have to watch what I say and do.

There are so many different things that I can do to show him the way he is behaving is atrocious but I feel it would be in pour taste and would not leave a good impression on Doodle. As in tell her to run from him and stay away from him because there's something wrong with him. Yeah he did that. Scream out that he's a freak and that no one should touch him because they will catch stupid. Yeah he did that too.

The parents were outside during both incidents and said nothing. It's not my place to parent other people's children. It is my responsibility to help a child in need. And well thinking about it I remember that I've stopped fights between kids before. This one boy was almost beaned with a glass bottle in the head by this girl who was far bigger then he was. The mother of this little boy tried to crawl my butt the next day for screaming at her son. When I explained why I was yelling and not at her son but at the girl who was trying to take the light from his little body she realized I meant no harm, though my raising my voice for everyone and God to hear scared him. Parents are a tricky beast to deal with. They will take things the wrong way even when you're trying to help their child. Well, this is my child and what he is saying is affecting my life.

I don't fight. I will threaten in anger. And I know that's not right to do, it produces evil in the heart. The only way to combat evil is with love. That's what I'm taught in the Bible. But I'm of the flesh. Jesus also said forgive them father for they know not what they do. And in anger you really don't know what your doing. Your not acting of the heart you are acting on the emotion. The frenzy of hyena's going for the kill. I know you've seen the videos of kids fighting on social media and youtube. They all act like animals in the wild. Like no one has had any type of proper behavior by egging things on because they want to see action.

I do know that Dr. Temple Grandin, who has autism, once beat the snot out of a kid when she was in school. It was in her movie. She's a tough gal. I don't want Doodle to fight unless she has too. I've seen Doodle beat up a teenager before. It was her half sister and the girl was tormenting Doodle because she thought it was funny. It was a good lesson for the teen in my opinion not to torment Doodle. But it set a bad example for Doodle. We don't get mad and sit on the neck of people pulling their hair and hitting their head on the floor. It's not how we act. Yeah, she's done that before. It was when she was first diagnosed and it was when she had no voice and couldn't say stop, you're not being nice. She did the only thing she could do. Retaliate. That was around the time when Doodle was on Regis and Kelly and that's how I found out Doodle was such a naughty child at school. Darn teachers that lie and say, She was so good today at school.

In actuality in iep meetings they don't really talk about behavior other then there are social behaviors in the class that we are working on. You know normal stuff, staying seated and doing work or we are working on sharing and taking turns. That doesn't tell you true behavior in the class. That tells you your child won't sit down and refused to do their work and is learning to share and take turns.

I will admit it. In high school I was a bully. I tormented this girl and for that I'm not proud of myself. I reconnected with her years later and apologized for my behavior towards her. I don't want to go back down that road ever again. It's not the best or proudest moment of my life and I am truly ashamed of that time in my life.  Would I go back and do things differently if I had the opportunity? Absolutely.  But I can't change the past. I can only change and shape my future.

So how will I handle this as a parent? With a pounding heart, adrenaline running as my courage builds. I will be going from soft spoken to roaring like a lion for everyone and God to hear. I will stand my ground and I will not back down. It's cowardly of me to hold my tongue and not speak up for those who can not speak for themselves. I will demand to know what she has done to him that gave him such fear of her. I will proudly tell him about how he shouldn't be afraid of people who create the xboxes, play stations, smart phones, ipads and computers. How she misses school for art shows and art contests because God loves her so much he gave her a talent not a lot of people can handle. How she has Jesus wrapped in her heart he finds absolute favor with her and he has a purpose for her. That he only gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. That no matter what he says about her she is more loved because she's set for something great.

I will refrain from telling him things that will lead to him being placed in therapy with a complex. I will refrain from hurtful and devastating words. And as I listen to the Brant Hansen show I'm reminded that not only do we sin on the outside but we also sin on the inside. And yeah right now I have plenty of sin going on on the inside with the thoughts running through my head on how I want to crush a little boys spirit and crush his parents for not stepping up and being parents by correcting unacceptable behavior. How am I to spread the love of Christ with these thoughts? I can't. Which is why I will take the high road to my Lord and leave the evil where it belongs in darkness where the light will vanquish it.

If what all I say doesn't make an impact I will rebuke him and his whole family. Every time I pass that house either in my car or on foot I will bless them (not in the Southern way of blessing someone's heart). I will pray for them and I will love them. I don't love what the little boy is doing. Hate the sin not the sinner. It's time for me to be bold and stand for those who need it. Who need Christ and who need me.

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