First off as a parent raising a child with special needs the schools treat us differently. Having regular education children who were in the school system compared to Doodle in the school system I can tell you that there is a big difference to how I am treated as a parent.
But you have to know that there is one rule that CAN NOT be broken at all. This is a rule that is sacred to the classroom that protects our privacy and the license of the teacher. Anything that is said to you as a parent with a child with special needs comes from the teacher, no one else. Period! Don't ever forget that. A para educator can not tell you anything about what happens with your child in that classroom. Everything has to be told to you from the teacher and no one else.
When I pulled up Wednesday morning, I was very much aware that I had an IEP for Doodle that afternoon. This was an IEP review. I'm starting the process to get Doodle into a special school for the 6th grade year. Yeah, she's in the 3rd grade but the waiting list to get into this certain school is years long so you have to start the process very early. And this is just the start to try to get her on the list.
The Para got Doodle out of the car and proceeded to tell me that I needed to take Doodle to the doctor and have her medicated. That her behavior was out of control nothing they did would stop the behavior. She then proceeded to tell me about things Doodle was doing that was highly inappropriate in my thoughts. It was also something that was not typical of a child with Doodle's form of autism to ever do. The kick in the pants came when I was told that they had just gotten to the point where they could get Doodle to start doing work. She then told me that I needed to correct the behavior in the classroom and make sure she got medicated. I thanked her and drove off.
Let me tell you what I heard in my mind. The teacher is never in the class. Doodle has not been doing classwork and the homework that we do every single night has been the only work that she's done in school. And I'm suppose to correct behavior that is out of my control in that classroom. But nothing offended me more then telling me I had to medicate my child. Look, Doodle's previous teacher and para got her behavior under control to where I didn't have to medicate my child.
By the time I got back home, 5 minutes or less later I was getting hot under the collar. I contacted Doodle's Para from her old school and informed her of what I had been told and asked for help on correcting the behavior. I was blindsided and not thinking correctly. It wasn't until she told me that Doodle's teacher from last year had to handle this situation that it started to remind me of the rules of the classroom. Para's are not allowed to tell you about your child's day. All that comes from the teacher and no one else. And it's always with: this is what is happening in class and the steps we are taking to correct this situation. Sometimes you get homework at home to work with your child to reinforce and correct the problem. That's how it's always been handled.
Now you can ask a para if your child was good or bad and the only thing they can say is yes or no and that is it. They can't say anything more. Remember your IEP contract is between you, your child and the teacher. No one else! It's a privacy issue. If a person is this blunt to say that to your face what all else are they saying about you and your child to others?
I have a friend at Autism Speaks here in this area. I think I've been friends with this wonderful lady since Doodle was diagnosed with autism. I sent her a message about what was said and I remembered that here in the state that I live in we as parents fall under these lawyers that are called ADAP. I looked them up and called leaving a message with them. Which is not uncommon to leave them a message and they are prompt at calling you back. This whole confrontation was uncalled for and again I will say it blind sided me. My friend at Autism Speaks told me that I needed to contact ADAP asap and get them on this that the para overstepped her boundaries and she put the teachers license in jeopardy.
I also had an opportunity to speak with Doodle's father over this and he got pretty angry over the whole situation as well. As he should be. That's our right as parents of a special needs child. We were both livid!
I decided to leave for my meeting 45 minutes early, still not hearing back from Doodle's old teacher, which I had been informed if I didn't hear from her I was to call her that night (she has 12 students or more this year and 2 para's, so she's pretty busy) or hearing back from ADAP.
At the school the first person I saw was Doodle and I's favorite person. One of my dear friends and he knew the look on my face was not a look he has ever seen. He and my other friends call me smiley for a reason. But there was no smile today. He asked what was wrong and I promptly told him why I looked like my head was going to explode. He promptly told me of his incident the previous afternoon where his son came to his truck with a cross on his nose in magic marker. He was hot under the collar that it was put there and he said that was the way that they marked slaves for trade back before the civil war. And the para I had an issue with was the same person who had put that cross on his son. His son isn't even in the self contained class. He's a regular ed student. So there were two marks against this woman and I hadn't even stepped into the building yet. We chatted for a bit and it was about time for my meeting. I was really thankful to have the opportunity to speak with him. I will admit it. I prayed to God that he be there so I could talk to him.
His son is able to tell him what is going on in the school and who did what to him, whereas my child can't tell me what is happening in class. So a blind side is never a good thing to get.
I checked in for my IEP and asked to speak with the principal. She was in meetings all day and I would have to make an appointment to see her. No surprise on that. I've gotten that a lot since Doodle started that school. I left a detailed message where the two ladies in the front office were appalled. And then the words no school wants to hear were dropped. ADAP has been contacted and informed of this situation. And I did make them aware that ADAP are the lawyers that we as special needs parents have to go through for our state.
15 minutes later I was called to the back for my IEP by Doodle's teacher and yeah she got the look too. Normally, I'm so laid back. I let the teacher do her and I do me. I do what she asks of me when she needs my help, I'm always happy to see everyone. I told her what happened that morning and told her what I heard in my mind and yeah I used choice language. I told her it made me immediately think where in the HELL is the teacher? And why is my child not being taught in school. That's what I'm sending her to school for.
I was assured that was not the case and the thick folder was the proof in the meeting which showed Doodle was being taught. She had all of Doodle's work and documentation of data collection as proof that Doodle had no issues with doing work. And she had been doing work and learning since the first day of school. She wasn't even aware of this behavior that was described to me that Doodle was suppose to be doing. She made the same mention that I did with my friend from Autism Speaks and Doodle's previous para. It's not normal autism behavior. Now, the stemming that is normal of a child on the spectrum and the stemming was this woman's other main complaint. That seriously can't be helped. It's like breathing to them. It's also a key factor for me and others who are proficient in autism that the input output is out of balance and that yes this has to be corrected which is why a specialized classroom has sensory bins. To get that corrected immediately. That way they don't have to stem, they have an alternative to correct the issue. Doodle's teacher informed me that I was the 5th complaint from a parent about this para, in a week. And I told her the sixth is sitting out in the parking lot. And she looked at me like, huh? And I told her what my friend had told me about what happened with his son.
At this point I'm not the only one feeling like I've been blind sided. When the speech therapist came in I was asked to re-tell the issue that arose that morning. As I was in the middle of this the Para came to the door to inform us that we have to move the meeting to the principal's area. The principal asked to speak to me alone. The principal informed me that she was aware that I contacted ADAP and asked if we could get this resolved without them. I told her yeah we can. And to see how serious I was over my contacting ADAP she stumbled over the term of ADAP and asked me what it stood for. I opened my binder and showed her my contact person the full name of ADAP, and their number and contact email address. She asked for what happened that morning and again I told her my incident. The words out of her mouth were OH HELL NO! By the time I finished I told her that there was a parent out in the parking lot with an issue with the para too and told her about the marking on his son was what his father said was a slave marking. And that his son was not to be labeled as a slave. He was just as furious over his situation as I was over mine. At this point the principal informed me that this person was gone, She wasn't having any of this behavior out of someone who was suppose to take care of children in her school. Informing the principal that I was aware of the rules and conduct of the classroom that a para can't tell me I have to medicate my child and to correct behavior of my child when she is in the classroom, as it would result in the teacher loosing her license. She told me that teachers and principals are not allowed at all to ask a parent to medicate their child. It's inappropriate and I was correct that I'm not allowed to correct an issue that a teacher is to correct. I walked with her outside and pointed out the parent who was livid as well and went back in for my IEP review.
You have to be aware of the boundaries of the classroom. You have to respect it. That's how your child stays safe and you have piece of mind about your child being away from you for 8 hours in the day or however long your child is in their care. You will have horrible teachers at some point in your education years. Doodle had one when she first got into kindergarten. That led to a regression. I promised myself when Doodle was moved to a new school in the middle of the school year for health reasons from a tornado that ripped the school off the map in our area, I would not deal with another regression! Doodle's teacher from the middle of kindergarten through second grade, taught me so much. My friend who I met at our designated bus stop those years taught me so much about rights and handling the schools with my child. I seriously love all those women.
By the time the review was over (we were all in agreement that it was best for Doodle to attend this special school for 6th grade) and Doodle and I were back at home, the school principal called to inform me that HR had let the para go. There would be no more issues with this woman on campus. I really don't like that she lost her job but you can't be out of line or overstep boundaries with parents and the IEP's. That IEP is a corner to corner binding contract that can not be broken.
I really wish that I could say that I made all this up but there is no way that I could ever make up a story that my Wednesday was. It made it the wildest day I had ever had in a very very long time. I liked the para, I respected the para, I respected her job because I know it's not easy. She and the teacher have more on their plates then I do with just me having Doodle on my own. And the teacher isn't exactly short handed as there is one other para in the class and another special education teacher down the hall with para educators as well. I do not know of what the complaints were from the other parents all I know of is what happened to me and my friends child.
Two little side notes. 1) Don't ever let anyone from a school talk down to you or make you feel as if it is your job to correct issues that are happening in the school. If it's your choice not to medicate your child that is your choice just like it's my choice not to have Doodle on medications when her behavior can be controlled when input output is out of balance. 2) Even if I wanted to medicate Doodle I could not. The toothpaste that I create for her would cancel out the medication as the bentonite clay I use in it removes chemicals from Doodle's body.
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7
Now that you are a little more informed about you and your Rock Star child I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.
Chill out! We've got this handled!
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