Yeah, working for myself gives me the luxury to take care of Doodle and drop everything at a moments notice. And for a few days I've had people on my back, I need this done for one company and when is the rent money coming, when are you getting divorced. It came at all angles all at once.
My business partner forgets that I do have a publishing company that I work on and this blog to try to keep up with how Doodle is doing. Heck I thought my day was going pretty great.
Doodle doesn't speak like a normal child for her age. She speaks like a 3 year old. Some words are harder for her to speak. It's kind of like she has the Cindy Brady speech. The lisp. L's and R's are the hardest for her to get. Yesterday morning I went to put gas in my vehicle. Doodle of course was with me. And she asked what is that to a sound outside of the car. I told her someone is cutting grass. It's a lawn mower. So for a good minute she ran the word lawn mower over and over until she got that L down and was able to say the word correctly. I didn't have to prompt to correct her on the L. I will admit that I don't prompt to correct her on the L's or R's. If she can get close enough to the word I'm happy.
After that word she worked on vacuum. She insisted that she get the cuum down right as well. And yeah she did it. I was so proud I allowed her to get an ice cream from the gas station. She worked hard for it. After that we headed to Michael's to get some stretchy ribbons because Doodle has run off with all of the pony tail holders. They are somewhere around this house and over half have broken in half. They usually end up on her chipmunks or on "fish bags" that she creates to play with. I haven't seen a pony tail holder in several weeks. One that I would want to put in my hair, that is.
I had already purchased the things to make Doodle's sensory swing, because as we all know who really wants to pay $200 for a certain type of swing when you can just make it yourself. Yeah that's another project. And when the video is created up it will be loaded to JSN's youtube account which really has no video's on it right now. It has one but that video is private.
So as you can see my day was going pretty great. I'm thankful to God for the speech that Dana has and continuing to get. But when you have your mother after you over the rent that is due and Doodle's father not paying so I can play her rent it was the first to weigh on me. And then there is the business partner that thinks I have all the time in the world to just sit at a computer and do social media for the company that we share. I'm helping another girl with her home based business. I consider her a friend and want her to succeed. We are suppose to help others succeed that's our calling from God. Lift others up and speak life with prayers and thankfulness.
So here I am over here, friends calling wanting to know when I will get divorced and move on with my life. And seriously all I want to do is focus on Doodle and JSN. That's it. I could care less about what is going on in the world. Yeah, there are fish in the sea but I'm waiting on God. The voice of Jesus is the most important thing to me and his timing is perfect. God doesn't make mistakes. I know that. I live by that. But it's like I'm speaking but no one is listening to what I'm saying. So that's how my yesterday pretty much went. And that's how I ended up in depression.
There is this song by the Newsboys called Live with Abandon. Michael Tait says in the beginning, Chasing after this world makes me tired. And yeah, that is the truth. This is my go to song when life is beating down my door and I don't know where to turn. The depression hit quick. It was like a tornado just swept in and tried to take me out. All I want to do is just do me. I'm tired of being questioned over my life. I'm tired of people trying to tell me what to do. I'm trying to get my company out there, on the map. I'm trying to run with the big boys and I think that's my main problem. Running with dogs I don't have a chance of competing with. So you can see chasing after this world is tiring. But being a small fish in a big pond is no fun.
I've got friends that I've met all over the world, but no one offering to pray for me. Just everyone wanting to me to answer questions that only God himself can answer. What pulled me out of it was the Newsboys. Their song Live with Abandon was what pulled me out of the grips of the harmful thoughts. As the cloud wrapped around me I started craving that song. Craved it like food or drink and I don't know why I did. But I did. And just like that the thunder clouds lifted and I could breathe again. Give you everything I've got, Jesus.
I realized I wasn't giving Jesus everything I had because though I was trying to ignore the world but trying to keep up with it I was just running in place. Summer break is here and Doodle is all over the place. There are play dates and making sure that she gets the therapy that she needs, life can be exhausting. I've never complained about it because now is much better then when she was first diagnosed. All the doctor's appointments and therapy appointments were the worst.
And no I'm not looking to replace one man in my life for another. This is my time to focus on me and my business. I'm not going to pretend that life is grand. That's not who I am. Yesterday I debated of just stopping this blog. Stopping work on everything and just go to bed, throw the covers over my head and not deal with anything. But that's not me either. I've learned a long time ago, Weeping may endure for a night, but joy coming in the morning, Psalm 30:5.
And at this time as the song says I'm not looking back, I'm done with that. I want to live!
Yeah, I made it through the night with the help of the Newsboys and lots of frankincense essential oil. I practically bathed in it last night. But it was the song that started the wake up call. Like I've said already, depression is the devil's play ground. And yesterday God didn't want him to have a play ground to play in.
And as a matter of fact even though I don't have all of the next part of the rent God is still providing it for me. So there are no complaints on my part. I just need to always remember that God is in control and He will make sure that everything is taken care of. Focus Focus Focus! It just amazes me how God works. The devil will try to block you at each and every avenue but Jesus will always have my back, Cause Jesus is stronger and braver. He already fought this battle for me.
Today I'm focusing on creating JSN's blog to show people how to create their own Photoshop images using a free Program called Gimp. And it's a step by step. I've never done a tutorial like this and I haven't worked much in Gimp to be familiar with it. I do love Gimp, it does a far better job at coloring black and white photo's then Photoshop does in my opinion. And you never know where learning Gimp will lead me. I could be the next Terry White. For those of you who don't know, Terry White is the official for Photoshop. If there is anything that you need to know how to do in Photoshop it's his tutorials that people go too.
Wow, the morning is so much better then the night. I'm so happy and life is great! Hold on tight to Jesus and everything changes in an instant.
Have a great day and love you all!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment