Yes, I have been in the same situation as the other parents but I don't let that define me and I don't live in the past. The day Doodle was diagnosed with autism was a day of relief. I didn't cry and I wasn't upset. The relief was that now we could get Doodle the help that she needed. There was no more wondering what type of help she needed or grasping at straws. When you don't know what's wrong you can't treat what's wrong. I mean if you get a paper cut on your hand you don't get a cast for your leg.
There are stressful days. Days I don't remember to use reinforcements to redirect bad behavior. Or days where my schedule is so out of whack that I have trouble keeping up with Doodle's school stuff. And when I say stressful days I mean I'm breaking out in hives. Normally I thrive on stress but some days I just can't handle the bad days of autism.
I try to keep Doodle progressing. Some days are better then others but that's okay. Not everyday can go the way we want it to. Life is what you make it. If you make everything a struggle all you will do is struggle and stay frustrated.
Doodle stopped poop smearing when she was almost 7. And that was on the advice of our pediatrician. It was something that not everyone agrees on. I was at my wits end and did what I needed to do to help Doodle and it worked! I would say most parents don't approve of this but that would be a lie. It's more like 99.5% of parents don't agree with this. But had I taken Doodle to her pediatrician or the emergency room they would have done the exact same thing. As per her pediatrician. And I've done the same thing for myself. Who knew for me it would be the trick out of diapers and out of poop smearing.
This became the day that Doodle became 100% potty trained and we ran out of the poop smearing phase and diapers. Yes, Doodle was still in diapers at the age of almost 7 years old, not uncommon for most parents dealing with autism. It took about an hour out of my day. And in this hour there was a lot of frustration. Doodle sat on the potty screaming her head off but once she pooped in the potty and saw what she did, never had another issue of poop smearing or screaming for hours. Or laying on the floors for hours trying to hold in poop looking like she was having a seizure. We went through that phase since she was an itty bitty. At 3 months she had started this weird seizure thing she did. And it's rare we even see this behavior anymore. She did have an episode twice this summer.
I'm a firm believer in being a strict parent. We have a strict routine down to the very minute of what she is to do every single moment of the day. And she has to follow this schedule. This keeps me on track and it sometimes keeps bad behavior in check. As she doesn't have time to do anything other then what she is suppose to do. Sometimes she will kick off and have issues but that's because she doesn't want to follow schedule. When Doodle was in the first grade I was informed that children on the spectrum thrived on picture schedules. As long as she knew what to expect or what she was suppose to do she stayed on task. If not she was punished by sitting in the corner.
Before this school Doodle was a wild child. Did as she pleased cause I was thankful that she was diagnosed but no one taught me what a child on the spectrum needed rules and boundaries. I think I felt bad at the time that she was considered disabled. She couldn't help the fact that she couldn't communicate. Though we did a lot of therapy since the age of three. And I mean a lot! Her pediatrician said that Doodle was the only child she cared for that had so much therapy and hasn't progressed. This was by the age of 5 and after 2 to almost 3 years of therapy. She had no speech so communication was always wanting to be held and she used us as tools to reach things she wanted on top shelves. She's always been a smart cookie just couldn't form words.
By the age of 6 1/2 Doodle was given a communication book. And that's when words really started coming out. She would have to flip through her book and point out what she wanted. And she had to try to sound out the words.
Living with autism is just like living to breathe. It's not something I'm going to think about every moment of the day. My role as the parent is to be a parent. Teach Doodle the difference between right and wrong and to teach her things that she's missed out on in her life. Like the time she was in school and the teachers didn't want to teach so Doodle regressed. So at home I purchased books based on what I know she could do and the next lessons up. The reason I didn't have issues at home with her was because she was learning at home but not at school. Which is why she had so many issues at school. That summer was rough. Like I said before I use a schedule because she knows what to expect but when everything is mixed up you get a little confused.
I look at Doodle as a regular child because that's how children want to be treated, as normal children. They get enough stares and whispers when out in public. Let's give them a little peace of mind. And I don't ever treat my child as if she's a nuisance. No child should feel they are not wanted. They didn't ask to be here and in my opinion, they are a gift. Most couples can't have children. Here I had a child after 3 miscarriages. I was entrusted with this life. And it's my job to make sure she's challenged, she thinks for herself and grows to be the next Dr. Temple Grandin. Because Doodle has the same form of autism as Dr. Grandin.
My job in this life is to be a teacher, a gardener, a mother, a lawyer and the sun. A Teacher to help her learn. A gardener to help her grow in each season of her life. A mother to hug and comfort her. A lawyer to fight for her and her right to learn. And the sun to give her room to grow always watching over her and give her a bit of myself so she can be who she is and enjoy life.
Doodle teaches me something new every day. She's almost like me but yet not like me. She's a tom boy just like I was at her age. She's an artist that love's Japamation, me I'm an artist but I can't stand Japamation. She's a crafter who is in the same level of crafting as I am. My skill level in crafting is extreme crafter. She's imaginative and that's always the best part of childhood and adulthood. If she keeps up with her imagination just think of what all she can do. For me I use my imagination to come up with wild stories of things around me to make people laugh.
I love my life with Doodle. She was diagnosed as mildly autistic and thanks to regression she hasn't grown mentally the way that she should have. I have to work harder as her mom but that's okay. I'm willing to work harder with my daughter. Most mothers are working hard for their daughters to learn dance, cheer leading, gymnastics or something else. I just have a different form then they do. Autism is all I've known with my child. I mean I used to babysit kids when I was fresh out of college. And some of those kids oh geez I'm really thankful my child doesn't say some of what those kids say. I don't have to worry about my child being selfish. I'm just enjoying how funny she is and how matter of fact, even though her speech isn't that good. She speaks like a one year old. One word responses or extremely fragmented sentences.
I have a really great support system. A few friends and I founded our own autism group on Facebook and we make it a point to remind people that we are the support system. They aren't doing this alone. But we are normal and we push. We answer questions when needed, we give or get advice when needed. We have admins that specialize and different aspects of what you would deal with when it comes to autism and we even included ADD/ADHD because that's a "kin". I specialize in IEP's as that's what I'm most familiar with in my state. One woman handles 504's because that's what she's proficient with. One for Asperger syndrome, one for autism and one for ADD/ADHD. And shhhh we also have admins that are nurses. But we will never say who they are.
I'm not trying to type up a tome today and there is still so much more work that has to be done before I head into work to teach a class tonight. I just figured it was time to hop out of my comfort zone and answer a question that rears it's ugly head every single week in the autism groups. And as you can see I'm not a negative mentality. I'm an optimist but that glass is always gonna look full for me.
See you guys on the flip side.
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