Yeah this post is exactly as it reads. About going to hell and back. I'm an entrepreneur through and through. I love it. It affords me the opportunity to be there for my child whenever Doodle needs me. Whether it be from sickness, doctor's appointments, field trips, you name it I drop everything at a moments notice to take care of her.
I've been through hell in what was my marriage and yeah I put up with a lot of verbal abuse. Knowing that I should have never taken it. Realized that one when Doodle was calling me stupid. And when I would cry she was comforting. Don't cry momma, you're beautiful. The stupid is what was like a dagger to the heart. I heard enough of that out of her father during almost 13 years of marriage. And out of my husbands mother I heard enough of how I wasn't good enough for her son or his children from his previous marriage. And since I was taking care of my mother in law who had Parkinson's, Doodle with her autism, my husbands children from his previous marriage as he had full custody and my husband who made the Army his career. I thought I was enduring all the verbal abuse because I loved him. No, I was taking it because I was allowing myself to be weak.
I don't hear much from Doodle's father anymore and frankly I like it better that way. I am the woman I used to be. Carefree taking care of myself. Well, not only myself but Doodle as well. And we have plenty of help. The Lord promises us that he will collect our tears in a vessel. And believe me that is one huge vessel that collected my tears. I'm stronger. Not in the physical sense but in the mental sense. I have my power back.
The reason that I am writing about all of this right now is because in 2015 I will not be taking this baggage with me. I'm dropping it off here. Along with the way he dropped his wife and his special needs child. In an message on my ipad. Thanks for the text stating that I was not allowed to come back home. And right after I had left my best friends mother's funeral.
And just like when Doodle was diagnosed, don't feel sorry for me. I already have a father on earth and a father in Heaven. I don't need 2 fathers on earth. One cheering for me to succeed and one hoping that I fail refusing to let me go anywhere. Acting as if he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Um, no the best thing that ever happened to me was when I met Jesus Christ and accepted him in my heart as my Lord and Savior. I can hold my head up high and no longer have the fake smile on my face. Yeah I'm still known as Smiley by my new friends down here but now I smile because I'm happy in life and happy to see my friends cause I know we will be laughing and having a good time waiting on the kids to get out of school.
My friend used to tell me that God doesn't want me in bondage and my marriage was bondage. And that's why my business was not as successful as it should have been. Now it's a new day and a new time. I know what's important and what isn't. If it's not my businesses or my immediate family who took me in to keep Doodle and I from being homeless, it doesn't matter to me. And yes I said businesses because I consider the video show I do with my best friend a business. My publishing company is slowing rising out of the ashes like a phoenix. I do a purse and jewelry business with my best friend and yes I even sell weight loss products. If you are trying to be an entrepreneur you need to have at least 2 businesses other then the business that you created. WHY? That's just too much to handle. You need a back up. Learned that the hard way when everything that I owned for my publishing company was stripped from me in a single breathe. And no I'm not allowed to go back and get it all. The stories and novella's that were left behind in my office. I can promise that will never happen ever again. No man other then God will take care of me. If this is the way that men treat their families now a days they are not worth wasting my breath on. Or my time. I need that time for my Lord, my daughter and my businesses. I'm not rolling in the dough and I'm still scratching the bottom but I can promise you God will lift me up just like he lifted me out of my depression.
Life is fantastic. I'm happy no matter where I don't look for trouble and trouble refuses to have anything to do with me. I'm learning to love myself and that's all that matters to me. Being me, laugh, love and live.
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