Where I've been autism

 Working for a giant corporation and having a publishing company are not the easiest things to keep up with. I also work for Grumbacher, an art company based in Massachusetts and new lines coming to the publishing company and art classes that I need to get taken care of. Throw a free monthly magazine, autism and a sick family member into the mix and you have a busy mom. 

But in all honesty who isn't busy right now. There is so much that I personally have to get done in a day and quite frankly I'm dealing with burn out. There is a lot going on in my personal and professional life. So when I am able to write for the blog yay for me. But it's not gonna be easy to work on the blog.

Lots of people say that I am able to do everything and when I have deadlines I always hear you can do this for me and still get your work done. You always do. Yeah, I always do with a lot of stress on my shoulders. People don't understand how much that weighs on me and I'm not gonna show that on the outside. 

Crafting is the way that I sometimes calm down and just chill. I do that with painting and drawing as well but I really can't get to that right now either. As much as I would like to. I just can't find the time for it all. I need to practice on my 3d resin art pieces. I would like to be able to teach that with my online classes but as of right now there just isn't the time.

So it's been really hard getting to writing on the blog. When I set up my priorities the blog falls on the very bottom of the list. One of those things that I just can't get it. It used to be that I would be able to write the blog Sunday night and have it posted on Monday morning. But I was also working nights and didn't have a magazine that I was responsible for. I just worked for the corporation and Grumbacher. Just had to make sure that I had books published. Now I have new lines coming out. Sure I'm not teaching classes in person anymore but I don't want my daughter to suffer without having me there for her. I can't be an absent parent. And that's my biggest fear is being an absent parent. She can't succeed without help and guidance. 

I like having off days but I'm not giving myself that option with all that I do. Responsibilities are really important to me. It fuels my stress. And I can't keep thriving on that.

I know that it's important to have as much information on autism as parents can find and yeah I make raising a child on the spectrum look easy but what stresses one person out when it comes to autism doesn't stress out the other person. 

Doodle can be easy to raise and there are days where she fights on what she's going to do and what she's not going to do. Also having a great support system is another way to get through this life. And that is really hard to find. I'm lucky. I have devised a tight support system. People that will pull me back when I need help the most. My family is pretty great about making sure that I have my own time.

It's not just autism life that can be stressful, but it's how you look at your life that determines how your life is actually lived. Some parents take the smallest things and blow them up to be something it really isn't. You pick and chose your battles. I let a lot of stuff just slide. Cause there really isn't a point in getting even more stressed out than what I already am.

It will be nice to get to a point where I can craft for myself. My daughter loves some of the crafts that I make. Half of what goes into the magazine for sensory craft are things that she personally asks for. And that's a lot of stress and research to make sure that I get it correct. Cause no one wants something that will be torn up. It has to last for a long time. The sensory blanket, that was a great idea in theory. It didn't have beads in it cause I didn't want to be cleaning beads up forever. Yeah, Doodle tore the sensory blanket up. The only thing she sleeps with is the jean material that was the top part of the weighted blanket. That has become her favorite blanket. It still has weight to it. So something that isn't so big is the way to go when it comes to a weighted blanket. 

The lava lamp that didn't require heat to work or tablets to move, that was the best thing that I created. It lasted maybe 6 months before she tore it up too. But that's life with autism. Life in general is not easy but it's how you approach it. 

So in conclusion I wrote the first part of this blog maybe two weeks ago and thought oh yeah I'll come back to this. Yeah I was able to come back to it but I've already lost my train of thought with it. I've got a lot going one. Large projects for the magazine and other things that need my attention. I'm trying to figure out a good way to balance my time so I can squeeze in more projects for my company and being there for those that need me with the blog. There is a possibility I may just close down the blog. Write advice and help in a book and call it a day. 

Doodle changes so much as she grows and that means dealing with autism changes as well. So it's a toss up of what to do.

See you guys on the flip side.

What I feel about school autism

 I'm seeing a lot of parents of kids on the spectrum that are pretty upset that school is not going back in session. Well, some schools are not going back into session. Me, I'm cool with school not going back to being in person. Our school won't go back until around November. Doodle has autism and that's a neurological disorder. With her asthma her getting the virus is not gonna be a good thing.

Parents send their kids to school sick all the time so what makes me think parents won't do that this time around? And it's not like oh you just wake up with a fever. If you raise kids you know that a fever can pop up anytime of the day. So by the time a fever is present by then its too late.

For me I can readjust my schedule at work to better suite teaching Doodle from home. With having a publishing company I can adjust that schedule to be there for my child. I've always been flexible with Doodle's schedule. You never know what is going to happen when you raise a child with special needs. 

School for us doesn't start until September the 1st. For the first time I'm not totally prepared for school. I mean all I will need is just a computer or tablet. I'm more than prepared for that. Anything happens to my equipment I have a company that takes care of all the repairs. Believe it or not for the past year they have been working overtime on my equipment. From upgrading my computer equipment to repairing a shattered iPad to shattered laptops. It happens with raising a child with autism. So I'm not to concerned. 

My child being safe is my utmost concern. Other kids staying safe, that is also my concern. So like I've said, it's not a big deal that we will be doing online schooling again. Though it's only for 9 weeks. We will get through this. And for help on what to do when your kids figit too much in their chairs I have several DIY's for this coming up issue in the magazine to help with that. This isn't my first rodeo and it won't be my last.

If the kids go back to in person learning I support all the parents who send their kids back. For those doing virtual learning, I support that as well. It's a hard decision to make. I understand that. I want my child to be back in the classroom. I also want her to be well and safe. I will be devastated if I lose my child. I've dealt with to much grief from her not to continue living with her quirks.

The private school have all gone back into session so we are all watching how that goes. So far though it's only been 2 weeks it's going pretty good. Some elementary schools have had issues but only the classes have shut down but not the school. Not sure on the comfort level of that one. But everything will work out. And there is a possibility that given the type of school Doodle goes to she might not go back to in person schooling at all this year. No matter the decision I will support it and continue to do what I can to help my daughter succeed. 

To get her out of the house she may possibly be doing a dance class which can be virtual or in person. So that will be how I slowly step into this new roll with her. She hasn't done a typical class since she was maybe 5 or 6 and that was with gymnastics. That was a fail when the coach started flinging the kids in the air. And that's how I found out that my child was afraid of heights. Good times! 

Not all parents can be as flexible as I am and I am thankful for my schedules. So I'm not going to judge other parents about their decisions. Cause it's not an easy decision to make.

So what are your decisions for this school year? Are you sending your kids back or are you going to do virtual learning as well? I support whatever decision you make. 

See you guys on the flip side.   

What is the worth of Autism?

I got a late start today. Forgot to turn on my alarm last night. So my morning began the same as it always does only a few hours behind. Checking messages on JSNCreative. Scrolling through Facebook to see if there was anything to share to my page so I help give others ideas for what to do. See if there was anything that Doodle might want to try today. Last night was the night I had to finish all of Doodles camisoles. She loves wearing camisoles and she picked out lots of cute fabrics. I've been trying to finish up this project for months.

While scrolling through Facebook I noticed in the autism group that I'm in, someone shared that a YouTuber had "re-homed" their child on the spectrum. Hold up! How on earth do you re-home a child especially one with autism. I didn't know that was a thing. Did someone pay her so that she could guarantee they would go to a good home? Did she send the child off with his favorite blanket and food bowl. I can't understand how you can feel that a child is like a pet. How can you dehumanize a person?

In my personal opinion Myka Stauffer is the head entitled Karen on the face of the earth. I can see why she would do it. I've seen a few of her video's in the past. Her house is just too clean for a mom with 5 kids. He didn't fit the vibe of her perfect world. It's not an excuse to give away your child like a bag of outdated clothing.

There are days that Doodle can be an absolute butt hole but I'm not about to re-home my kid. Yeah, I've replace a few iPads in our lifetime. It's part of life. Doodle is messy and I laugh when she looks like Pig Pen from Snoopy's Peanuts. I've learned to love the Chipmunks and their music again. I'm still not cool with Sponge Bob. And I love when she watches the Muppets. I love when I get to share what I love with her and when she shares with me what she loves. That's called being a family. Some things she does and loves I don't care for, but that's okay because she has her own interest. That's part of loving the person you are with. You share your life, love and interest with them.

Doodle is fantastic at gardening. She didn't show that side of her until about a year ago. Am I willing to miss out on parts of Doodle's life? Watching her grow up? Nope. Every day is a new day and as she grows I learn more and more about her. Yes, the house is a bit of a mess. My walls aren't pure white or off white. Her bedroom has purple walls and the ceiling is lavender. I've had clouds on the ceiling that were lights. I've made sensory swings and regular swings. I've adopted a dog for her from the pound. I've shared my food with her and my sweet tea or plexus. We go to the beach together. She's almost like a little best friend and she takes a lot from her father. She will do things to grate my nerves but again, not a reason to re-home my kid like a dog.

I've battled with the school board for my child's rights. Heck I've battled an Army Hospital for her fathers right to life. I fight for what I love. 

Myka's problem is that she's letting money control her life. All of her Instagram pictures are filled with ads. Each picture is "picture perfect". I'm my life I connect with people who aren't picture perfect. I want to see real life. Picture perfect makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean seriously, how many kids under the age of 6 can keep their clothes perfectly cleaned? And their hair perfectly straight. It's all just fake in my book. Messes are part of life. It's who we are as human beings.

That's about as much attention that I can give this trash person. Make people feel important and loved. Don't make them feel like trash cause that just makes you trash. Every life is valuable. People with compassion. Treat them the way that you want to be treated. Autism has blinders on. They don't understand a whole lot and most of the time depending on what type of the spectrum they fall under  they don't understand what's going on and how to articulate their feelings. It's something that has to be taught to them.

You guys have a good day. Don't let hate consume you. Use your energy for more important things. 

Lock down has been rough Autism

I will admit that quarantine has been rough but not in the way that you would think. So many things flying around. For my business I am the essential worker and can work from home because I work for myself. Throw in homeschooling, trying to create new books, research, learn new programs and trying to create a new line along with the magazine, it's a bit much. Doodle being home and having to monitor her while she works it not easy.

I made Doodle plant a garden. Lots of vegetables are sprouting. I think she's more interested in the pumpkins that she's planted. The plants are thriving and I'm glad about that. We are also working on a few of the things that she's got to accomplish for the next school year IEP. I want to make sure that she masters her tasks faster. She misses school and right now so do I. I was overwhelmed with it at first because getting into the program was hard but leaving out of the program I have a new respect for it. Though I have had to take over the work for the speech therapists, something I have never been good at. When Doodle was doing speech therapy for Easter Seals I would sit behind the two way mirror and watch how Candace worked with her. It was amazing the tricks she would use and I would try the same thing at home. But home is a different environment and was harder to keep Doodle on task. We have been receiving excess work through the portal to help work on speech at home. Summer homework if you will. We received ways to do OT at home as well and I've been using art classes with Cassie Stephens as a way to incorporate a little more OT.

I have been debating about creating a few video's for my website. But that means that I will be in front of the camera and that I'm not comfortable with. But in order to keep my Grumbacher certification I'm going to need to do this. I have a few ideas. Not sure if I am going to be able to do what I want to do without contacting a few companies so that if I teach glow in the dark paintings I will be able too.

As for the isolation, that really doesn't bother me because raising a child on the spectrum, I've been isolating since before she was diagnosed. It was hard taking Doodle out in public. She was fun and cute and all when she was a bitty. As she got older it became harder, all the sounds and commotions. When Doodle was at the school that taught her how to learn and grow they took trips out in the area to learn how not to wander off. How to stay close and how to shop. Loved that! Wish the school she currently goes to does that, but we can't have it all anymore.

Doodle is doing great being at home with homeschooling. Now that home school is done I would have more time to do everything but that's kind of hard cause she gets wild and loud. So I'm concerned about doing video's. I will see what I can do with how I can do it.

So I was watching my news source on Thursday night and found out that there was a new trend going around. It's called the autism and people dance like they are mentally inept. I don't find it funny as my dad had a brother that was completely disabled and depended on my grandparents until his death in his 40's. That was hard on everyone in the family because he was so loved. It's hard on Doodle as she knows with the video's she finds on YouTube that autism is something you call people as the word retarded has been replaced with autistic. I don't think that's funny that people create videos like that.  Calling people names just isn't cool. Using autistic as a slur isn't cool, neither is using the word retarded. You would think as a civilization we would be beyond 2nd grade behaviors.

And what I don't get is how people don't realize how dangerous it is to do what is trending. I know they are looking to become famous in their own mind but coming up with your own thing and thinking for yourself makes you famous. But showing disrespect to others is not how you become famous. That will come back and bite you in the butt. If you do become "famous" eventually, those old video's will be thrown back up in your face. Even if you delete the video no matter what the internet is forever. A 40 something year old mom should not have to be the one to tell you that. But I do spend a lot of time observing the world around me and that includes the internet. There are a lot of autism moms trying to get the video's to stop so I can say that this is not a fight I'm willing to fight on. If it happens in public while I am around then I will say something to their faces but til then I have other battles and a life of my own. I don't have time to be a keyboard warrior for something that will be like oh I've got lots of comments but I don't care what they say.

For the person who actually created the word autistic and autism to be a slur word that would be Paul Watson. People screaming in the streets over Trump being elected president, he said they were autistic screaming. So thanks for that one ya jerk! And that's what spawned all the videos of other people creating videos using the word autistic as a slur word. Doodle doesn't know any better and mimic what others are doing on YouTube. Through isolation she has finally learned that her disability is being used as a slur. And that led to her being sad about her diagnoses when she was 3. So there's that. It's just a lot of damage control on my part because the internet is so large. I don't see anything wrong with autism. There are a lot of people with autism that I look up too and admire. Dr. Temple Grandin, Dan Aykroyd (my favorite actor and writer), Patrick who works at the book store down the street from my house and my own child who I think is the bees knees. They all think differently and that's beautiful to me. They are out there creating new things, shaping the world for the good. The list is longer but I'm not going to bore you with that as it will get lengthy.

So there is my take and those are my struggles. Considering that today is Saturday and not Monday that you are receiving this blog, shows you that time is but a number and it's a number I can't keep up with. I'm not sinking in a little boat, I'm bailing out the Titanic with the way I feel about all the things that I have to get accomplished. It's just not easy and I don't see the Michaels classroom opening up too soon as they have transitioned to Zoom videos for people to sign up for. Some of the videos are dark and hard to keep up with. Not the professionalism that you would expect for anyone doing a class for Michaels. My classroom is closed and being used as a storage room for excess orders. Yes that bothers me. But it bothers me more that Michaels has turned it's back on instructors yet again. Last time that happened, all the instructors were kicked out of the Michaels classrooms and contracts were lost. Many instructors were upset and left even Grumbacher. Many flourished and basically gave Michaels the finger. Creating their own studios and make ore money then when we were in the classroom. So there is no point in being mad at change. Just embrace it and work through it.

Wow, I didn't expect to tackle so many issues today but here I am. On a soap box with my mind just throwing dirt out there everywhere! Let's start a new trend called the neurotypical where we do videos to teach others how to lift people up and give confidence and love and not bring others down.

See you guys on the flip side.

We are starting to get it, Autism.

The first few days of homeschooling were not the best. As the week went on it did get a little better. Had no time for JSNCreative. Which I can tell you was no fun.

Doodle is going through a great phase right now. She's destroying the bedroom. Yeah, that's fun. And so far this morning she just wants the iPad and doesn't want to do any schoolwork. Not sure how well this day is gonna go.

Doodle did sleep through the storm that hit our area last night. It really didn't appear to be that bad. Lightening on top of lightening. We never lost power so that was a good thing.

I still have the magazine to do this week. I need to get more done this week then I did last week, in order to stay on schedule.

Oh and many of you don't know but on January 21st we went to the pound and adopted a dog. He has Doodle's personality. So now I'm wrangling two pains in the butt during quarantine. Wait for it...the eye roll.

Doodle does need a lot of one on one help with her schooling. I can't work at Michaels while Doodle is doing home school because she's been in quarantine since the day the virus hit our area. It's more for her protection than anything else. With breathing issues already and her neurological issues, this would all just compound on her and that's not something I want with Doodle.

 It's already after 8 am and Doodle is still refusing to do any work. This is gonna be a fun day! She did brush her teeth but she's not willing to do anything else. And the whole brushing her teeth, that was a fight in itself.

I need to set up a photography section close to where Doodle is working so that I can get work done for the publishing company and help her when she decides she going to be doing her school work. She's not happy with school and not happy with the fact that school is now at home. The separation line is so far blurred I've about lost it.

So lift your coffee cups and cheers with me. Here's to another day, with frustration and fruitfulness.

See you guys on the flip side.

E-learning and Autism: Spoiler alert! It's not going well.

Yes, it's been awhile. Almost a year ago since my last post for this blog. So what changes have been made? Just trying to survive life with autism. And I was doing pretty good until today schooling from home started.

Started prepping everything for Doodle to do schooling from home last week. Couldn't get into the classes to even see anything. This morning finally got it all figured out and then I logged in. Only two classes were listed to be seen. Couldn't see anything else. I'm spending such much of my time reading to my child her classwork that I will not be able to get anything done for my own business.

Oh you want me to turn in class assignments? Where??? We answer the questions we do what we are suppose to do and click that the assignment has been finished but the notification that the work was not submitted is the issue.

Look there is a reason why I never home schooled Doodle. And I've had plenty of opportunities in the past. Online schooling is not necessarily created for kids with sever disabilities. I have been trying to teach my kid how to learn anything her entire life and I've never been successful at it. Yes, I can get her to do school work, that's not a problem. It's teaching her that's the problem. I was unsuccessful with potty training. She didn't manage that until she was almost 7 years old. Never could get her to read, no matter how many books I read to her or words I tried to teach her. She didn't speak until she was almost 7 years of age.

I will say it, I'm frustrated and mad as hell. This online learning is a shit show! We do the work, answer the questions and submit that everything is completed and yet it says no work submitted. I am beyond frustrated!

Look I've done my time! I should not be coming back to learn the 8th grade. I've done more than enough of my time when you throw in my college degree. Which I also feel was a waste of time I might add. Business administration degree. Did it teach me anything I needed to know about running a business. No that was all trail and error and a lot of help from my friend who owns his own company. And he didn't go to college.

So at this point we are opting out of online learning. We will do a paper trail for the rest of the week while I try to figure out how I'm suppose to get any of her school done with her and I can get to my own work done for my business. I'm used to juggling multiple projects but this project is too far out of my reach to help on.

I'm either going to cry for the rest of the week or become an alcoholic cause there's only two options right now.

Doodle is at the point where she is stimming so much it's unbearable for me. I know that it's going to take a bit to work all the kinks out, I understand that, but we've been on spring break for 3 weeks now and surely someone has got to have a better plan for parents who work and children with disabilities. Doodle learns differently than what I can teach her.

This mornings lesson for social studies was to learn about the coliseum. How it was made, the construction of it. Well just doing a virtual tour and reading about it is not how Doodle learns with me. For her to grasp it I would need to teach her to construct her own with modeling clay. And that's where I am failing. She's not grasping anything that I'm reading to her, she's waiting on me to give her the answers and that's not fair to her or myself.

So as of right now. She's sick. Give me who I need to turn in the sick note too cause this is just horrible on all parts!

I'm headed out to go get Doodle's paper packet and then get work done on the publishing company.

See you guys on the flip side.

What it's like to raise a child on the spectrum

Every parent is going to be different when it comes to raising their child(ren). Every child is different when it comes to being normal or having a disability. This is what it's like for me to raise a child on the spectrum.

I know not every one is going to agree with the way that I parent. I do the best that I can the only way that I know how. There is no manual for parenting and there is no manual for parenting a child with a disability. I love my child and I wouldn't see my life without her. She is my everything.

Like a lot of children on the spectrum there are the autism quirks. Poop smearing, lack of language, refusing to be held or touched, the high pitched squeals, running back and forth from one side of a room to another, slamming doors, throwing doors open, stemming, spinning, not sleeping, etc, etc. That's a lot to deal with on a daily basis. And this was Doodle's quirks. I hated the poop smearing. That was a miserable time in my life but she did stop when we found out why she was poop smearing. She probably left that stage around the age of 7. We worked with our pediatrician to figure out why this was happening. And now Doodle has a regular digestive cycle.

She still has a lack of speech, but that is normal considering that she went through a regression 3 years ago. She has made an effort to say a complete sentence, which is awesome. She has a long road to go. I am routine strict but if she wants to go swimming or play on the iPad she has a few things that she has to do first. It's her routine to be self sufficient. She's not allowed to sleep past 9 am unless I sleep past 9 am. But if I get up before she does, which isn't always the case because she does sometimes wake at 3:00 or 4:00 am and I have to put her back to bed. This is every other day.

If she doesn't do what is part of her routine then she doesn't get the iPad to watch video's on. And yes, YouTube is connected on my account so I can see what she is watching. If she wants something I use American Sign Language and sign out what she wants. She has to repeat it in speech in order to get what she wants. If she refuses she doesn't get what she wants. If she get's mad about having to put away the iPad she will stutter the word done. No, d-d-d-done. And I will correct her because she doesn't speak like that and I don't want her to think this way is correct.

Most people would say that I'm a helicopter mom. I say, have you ever turned your back for a moment and found a snake in your bed? Well, I have. I have to watch her like a hawk. Both inside the house and while she is hunting around outside, when she is suppose to be playing. One day the snake she picks up might be the wrong type.

Somethings you just have to hold a blind ear to some of the high pitched squeals. And you have to see that some actions they are preforming is them using their imaginations. Doodle likes to make driving a car motions like she is actually driving. Sometimes you can tell other times she's doing it so quick you can't catch it. Much like stemming. She goes over the top most days when making this motion she just about flings herself out of where she is sitting. Those I over look. She's having fun. And sometimes you just have to go to another room, do a project or finish up a project. I let her have her imagination time. Let her laugh, let her laugh like a maniac 3000 decibels higher then anyone should hear a sound. Sometimes you have to know the battles you want to fight and the ones you want to let go of.

Some days are easy and some days she get frustrated when she's cleaning up her book shelves. That's where she likes to keep her special things. Aren't we all like that sometimes. It's life and before you know it life has changed. Don't regret anything in life. Don't be miserable. Parenting isn't easy and I'm not about to live my life with regret. Like the time I went to work and came home to Doodle playing with a snake in the bed. Yes, I had someone watching her and they weren't watching her the way I try to watch her. It happens. There is nothing wrong with being strict, there is nothing wrong with routine. There is nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself.

I'm an autism mom. And if you've met one child on the spectrum. You've met one child on the spectrum. They are not exactly the same.

See you guys on the flip side.